我们爱的没有错
只是美丽的独秀太折磨

So, we are back to being strangers, again.
We walked right past each other. Our eyes barely met, my heart was pounding furiously, and within seconds you were gone.
What a shame,because I used to think that you're my forever. Not anymore, not anymore.
It took me a long time, but I've finally moved on. And as cliched as it is, I really wish nothing but the best for you.
G'bye m.

Hello fangs,
I know you've been stalking me!don't worry I stalk your tumblr too sometimes :)
You're such a sweetheart to visit your grandma everyday, and I really hope she'll be fine.
Seeyou in two days time for class gathering
<3

But right now I wish you were here.

My mind's a huge mess now.

" People that are meant to be together always find their ways in the end."

i really need to start writing more, because i don't want to forget. My thoughts are still in a mess, not that it really matters mmm.

December started off really well, because exams are over and i finally get to see the people that i really care about. then there's OCIP, and SEP approval, and suddenly I'm flooded with so much emotions that i never thought existed.

there's a hint of disappointment because i didn't get into my dream school. then there's fear. I never had any hesitation when i was applying, but there and then, after reading the offer, the realization that i will be gone for a while became so tangible it freaked me out.

after that was panic galore (looking back I've got no idea what I was panicking about really), then on the phone with vanny for more than an hour, and then with b for a while. bestest said he'll visit me, actually that's the same thing the lover said to me a while ago. that was what i needed to hear, even if its a lie, but really, that meant so much to me.

I think some parts of the conversation didn't come across the way i meant it. i didn't mean to doubt you when you said you're gonna visit me, i just (still) couldn't believe that anyone will actually do that. it sounds crazy to me- visiting your friend that will be at the other side of the world, no? i probably never told you this before, but you're the most amazing and solid friend i can ever ask for.

there's still a ton of things and applications for me to settle, and OCIP stuffs that's starting to pile up, but just maybe for the first time i don't really mind all these trouble.

i'm still afraid of distance, and i'm not all that confident about the future, but having people that believe in you certainly make it a little easier.

"Do you really promise never to forget me?" she asked in a near whisper.
"I'll never forget you," I said. "I could never forget you."
Murakami's Norwegian Wood.
I do realise that I've been quoting way too much Murakami, sorry I can't help it.


Hey love,
The truth is, I cannot imagine a life without you. Sometimes I can't even remember the life before you came into the picture.
I know I'm a terrible lover asking too much from you, and i also know that a normal person will probably be traumatized by me by now. But you're different, and you're worth it.

Before we get into the real thing, before you and I become an us, I think it'll be best if we sort ourselves out first. partly for selfish reason, partly to become a better person for you. Right now I'm in a mess, and I need all the time to figure myself out, to know who I am, what I want in life, what I'm standing for and what I need.

I don't see taking a longer route as a waste of time, neither is it a redundant part of growing up. The way I see it, if it doesn't work out then at the very least we manage to figure out the important things in life and set our priorities straight. If it does work out, it'll be good i promise, and it'll all get better in time.

We need this. I need to see the world a bit, figure out the future, do the things I want to do, stop being too pessimist and start believing. And you, you always know your final destination. Maybe somewhere along the way you got lost or distracted, doing things because 'it can pay the bills.' But knowing you, that's not enough love. This is not some impulsive decision, this is your dream, so when the time's right, go follow your heart and chase those dreams.

Either way, we're both in this together. There's no turning back, and I won't give up just yet. So this is not a goodbye, it's just my way of saying that it's the start of something amazing, and if this is only a glimpse of what a good life is going to be, then I cant wait already for the future.

Yours,
L

"You said you're going far away," Tamaru said. "How far away are we talking about?"
"It's a distance that can't be measured."
"Like the distance that separates one person's heart from another's."

Murakami's 1Q84, 925 pages, x hours of escapism from the humdrum of finals revision.

"if you can love someone with your whole heart, even one person, then there's salvation in life. Even if you can't get together with that person." Murakami's 1Q84

Thinking way too much, devouring murakami and taking every chance to procrastinate studying for my two coming papers. That's what I've been doing.

My overly active imagination is gonna be my greatest enemy some day.

'baby don't let go,
the sky is falling.'

i'm officially missing you :'(

Dear friend,

I think we're good at being friends. Just friends, nothing more.
Quite honestly, I like talking to you because we are on the same wavelength.. It's not everyday that I get to talk to people about the thing that matters the most to me: politics, without them giving me a weird stare. I like it that we can talk about any and every thing,no personal stuff, without a hint of awkwardness.
But recently you're way too strange. And I don't know how to respond to that.
I've learnt my lesson that I need to draws clear boundary and make it crystal clear. Or else that friendship wil be ruined.
So, can we keep things at where it is right now and not change a thing?

Sincerely,
L

" I'll fall forever endlessly, when you should be the ground beneath my feet, the better half of me."

" 'cos someone out there holds the key to my heart."

so bogged down by the crazy amount of essays to write and unending pile of reading to be done.

The problem with politics is that it's about power, not justice.
If politics can be summed up into one word, it will definitely be power. Not just material capabilities in terms of guns and weapons, but also wealth and ideology (second wave of imperialism)
No one really thinks of politics as about being just, like what Socrates and Plato would have imagined it to be.
We have become so corrupted, the society has become so corrupted
And justice is becoming more and more abstract an idea.
Eventually I still want to think that change is possible, that really people can make this place a better one.
But it's quite disheartening, really.

:(

what don't kill you (really) makes you stronger.

Please don't play mind games with me. Of all people you should know best that I cannot afford to loose a best friend like you.

withdrawal syndrome.
love, its so hard to get anything done when you're on my mind, like all the time.

"when you're too in love, to let it go."

I will give up so much to re-live nights with you again.
I've forgotten how perfectly your hand fit around my waist, or that cheeky grin of yours, or a million other little details. Such timely reminder why I couldn't bear to give up on us yet.

"wrong or right i won't be afraid
because even if my heart should break,
you'll be the best mistake i've ever made."

Hello there,

I know you're reading and that's why I keep on writing.
By now you've read a fair share of my confessions and my conflicts.
It's like a one sided conversation.
I don't know how to compose a love letter, I don't know how to write a love story.
Sometimes I don't even know what I'm feeling.
There's always a mental battle between my rational brain and my passionate heart.
Honestly I'm losing you, and the feelings you once made me felt.
But maybe it's just me and my imagination.
Make me fall for you all over again, will you?

L

"if loving you is wrong, then i am wrong"

Don't know how to survive tml, let alone the whole of next week :(

What changes my boy? Is it you, me or both of us?

"Do you have somebody you really care about? [...] Somebody who, when you think about their happiness, you feel happy, too? [...] There's too many people in the world like you. Too many people who don't have anyone they care about. Who think if they don't love anyone else then they're free to do whatever they want. They think they have nothing to lose, and that makes them stronger. If you have nothing to lose, there's nothing you really want, either. You're full of confidence, and look down on people who lose things, who want things, who are happy, or sad sometimes. But that's not the way things are. And it's just not right." Shuichi yoshida- villain

"Just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to, Doesn't mean they don't love you with everything they have."

‘In the beginning, there was only a small amount of injustice abroad in the world, but everyone who came afterwards added their portion, always thinking that it was only very small and unimportant, and look where we have ended up today.’

Just because I don't tell or show that I care doesn't mean I don't.

"With friendship it doesn’t matter how long you’ve known each other, or how many fights you got into. what matters is who said “I’ll be there for you” and who proved it."
You have, countless times. You're always there for me, no matter how ridiculous the situation is, and you picked up the broken pieces when I fall apart. That's why you're (one of) my best friend. Happy twentieth B.